Juice Feasting Day 91!!!

(This is one of the best pictures of myself while juice feasting.  i remember this morning clearly)

What a journey this 91 days has been.  if you ask me now, it went by fast.  the last month especially.  yesterday i ate soaked prunes + a hand full of dates as well as the usual 4 quarts of green juice.  i couldn't help myself at farmer's market.  i have a bowl of apricots waiting me today with fresh, local, organic blue berries.  tomorrow i will be making a cucumber, tomato and basil salad.  i am ready to move onto chewing and delighting in avocado, sprouts and the SWEET SWEET SPINACH!!!  SAUERKRAUT is at the top of that list as well!!!

The biggest challenge of the juice feast for me as been gearing up to juice everyday.  once i get into the flow - NO PROBLEM, it's just the "before juicing procrastination" that sometimes lasts for hours on some days.  what is that juice resistance about anyway?  i haven't pin pointed that out yet!

Another challenge for me was not tasting too much food while making food for others.  especially the last 30 days that i have been more into making LIVE VEGAN food for others, there is a part of me that really wanted to experience what they are tasting and allowed myself that tiniest bite, feeling it all the way down my system and through my energy as well.  which is an important lesson for me as well.  i feel that effect specifically with dehydrated foods.  lower energy and a feeling of heaviness.

the last 30 days for me have been really full filling and that appears to me to be where everything came together.  90 days of JUICE FEASTING are perfect, with the last two as a sort of play day along with the four quarts of GREENS!!!

i will take MANY of the Juice Feasting habits with me - the morning msm/lemon/water in the quart jar every morning when i wake, skin/tongue brushing, GREEN JUICE, all the stretching & exercise, journaling/blogging, taking time to lay in the sun, colonics/enemas, and over all just being the BEST i can possibly to myself!

i woke up really excited this morning and hopeful!!!

On the heels of the 92 day JUICE FEAST i am moving onto another phase of my life.  today i will be putting the last of the things in my house into boxes and moving them into storage tomorrow.  

THEN COMES OPENING UP A LIVE VEGAN CAFE in SAN LUIS OBISPO!!!  

well this is all i have right now.  i feel like i need to get moving along!

ALL IS WELL IN THIS WORLD!

Juice Feasting Day 73!!!

Breaking through today.  the past two weeks have been very much about my younger years.  healing from my parents divorce that happened when i was 13-14, relationships i had in my teens and a ton of emotion that was suppressed for WAY TOO LONG.  i found myself quite a few times the past week acting out those emotions.  

this weekend i was at a woman's retreat and really had a chance to be quite and nurture myself and that's just what i did.  as well as had a letting go ceremony, made a vision board, took a long walk on the beach, made lots of yummy live food for everyone (JUICY JUICE FOR ME), hoola hooped, learned new moves, rebounded, made some soy candles, and really connected with a plant named peperoni presence just to say a few things.  the other 6 women were joys to be with too.  all in all it was a restful weekend.  it had a wonderful ending with my honey bringing me coconuts, melon and LOADS of LOVE!!!  ah, yum yum!

then there is the break threw i felt come on this afternoon while i was out for a walk.  while clearing my head a sense of surrender and peace came over me and a thought passed through my mind that i was through the tough emotional stuff i had been processing the past two weeks.  after that, freedom filled my being.

i am FREE in the world now to create whatever i want.  today is the first monday of the new business adventure with debbie.  i planned menus, shopping lists, worked on the website and emails and phone calls.  i walked for two hours, went to nia to DANCE & PLAY.  and the funnest of all i played in the kitchen tonight making live food for a friend who is leaving for a trip.  

i am SO EXCITED about this new stuff happening in my life right now.  so GRATEFUL for all the blessings in my life!

this is it for me tonight i am so tired and ready to tuck myself in.  i have a busy day planned for myself.  more of the same!  i am soooo lucky!!

Juice Feasting Day 64!!!

(the whites of my eyes are SOOOO EXTREMELY WHITE)
a whole week just zoomed by.  juice feasting is going GREAT!!!  earlier in the week i had a moment of insanity that i journaled about already in my personal book.  i made it through and everything is back on track.

the typical morning is pretty much like this....wake up around 7ish, go out for a walk, come home and make juice....3 quarts of green (lemon, lime, garlic, ginger, cucumber, celery, kale, swiss chard, cilantro, basil and dandelion)  always adding Vita-Mineral Greens, Spirulina, kelp, cayenne and hemp oil.  then one or two quarts of orange and sometimes adding pineapple with bee pollen and cinnamon.  sometimes i add spirulina to that one too.  so that juice making is pretty routine.  i take b12 and e3 live, just started Brain On.  i will begin the parasite cleanse as soon as the store gets it in.  after spend about an hour and half making the days juice i either go to work or work around the house.  i have been REALLY ENJOYING my FREE TIME TO PLAY WHATEVER I WANT!!!  

the scale read 148 the other day!!!  that is 20lbs i have lost on this juice feast.  i know i have been building extra muscle too.  i can notice a HUGE DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY MY BODY LOOKS AND FEELS AND I LOVE THAT!!!

i feel that the cleansing part of the feast is over and i am onto the rebuilding phase.  

my last day of work is TUESDAY.  YEAH!!!    i am planning to do a few days of just water coming up.  i plan to take a rest at home and really go inward and feel how that feels.

well, this is it for tonight. 

up early tomorrow for a walk!

MUCH LOVE

Juice Feasting Day 58!!!

this is me and my new baby bunny named Little Miss Love or just Love for short.  She loves to hang out on my shoulder.  my honey brought her back for me from a trip he just took to visit his mom.  he knows how bad i have wanted a bunny.  our cat onyx needed a playmate too.  i can tell we are all matches made in heaven.

so interesting things have been stirring up inside me & around me.  first i have had  the past four days off from work to really focus on me and what i am putting energy towards.  i am really digging what that feels like.

i was able to spend two of the days with my new business partner Debbie doing what i LOVE and that is making RAW FOOD in the kitchen for others.  it's even more awesome  because she is on a JUICE FEAST TOO....she's past 92 days on LOVING IT SO MUCH SHE DOES NOT WANT TO STOP.  we catered a dinner for over 30 people last night.  4 course gourmet meal that EVERY ONE LOVED!!!  that felt so good doing what i love with such a positive FUN LOVING PERSON!!!  

i have had some eating issues arise for about a week now and very strong the past 2 days.  today was the worst.  i have felt attracted to cooked food and besides that i have been feeling like "sneaking" it, like when i was a little kid and i had to "sneak" food all the time.  that came up today when i was soul searching about what the hell is going on.  i forgot all about how i used to have to do that when i was little.  my mom would always give me a hard time about what i ate and when i could eat, that i got into this strange behavior of sneaking food.   little bites here and there.  not good behaviors.

i am NOT breaking this JUICE FEAST...NO WAY that's not an option i am just connecting dots and making observations of things coming up.

i have been resisting GREEN JUICE.  today i couldn't even think about one.  so today i had an orange, then i had a carrot, celery, beet and ginger and a carrot, celery, ginger later on that my sweet honey made for me.  i drank the water of 3 coconuts and that's it.

i think tomorrow things will be different.  as i type this i am feeing more towards a green tomorrow to balance out all the sweetness of today.

yesterday i felt sick all day.  a BAD HEADACHE and i felt dizzy and sick in my tummy all day.  until my honey came back from visiting his mom for a week and put his loving hands on my neck.  without knowing what he was doing the pain i had been feeling for hours and hours was GONE!  magic hands.  boy, was i grateful!!!

i am ending this for tonight.

MUCH LOVE & BLISS!!!

Juice Feasting Day 53!!!

Happy Earth Day!  

tonight i planted seeds outside the door of the house i live in. nasturtiums and borage.  it is so breezy and cold out there.

so i came in and made some herbal tea from the new blends i brought home from the secret garden.  ummmm, the favorite so far is the balancing tea...sarsaparilla root, licorice root, carob, cardamom and ginger root.

i also celebrated that today is my independance day as renee named it.  the day i gave the notice at work that i am leaving.  

i will share, that when the owner walked in today i froze and my stomach tied up in knots and i felt sick.  the feeling reminded me of when i was married and my ex husband would come home.  the anxiety i felt.  after i gave my notice the knots began to slowly ease up.  

i am grateful to have had this experience and this job has taught me many things about myself.  this job offered me opportunities to speak up for myself and get clearity during conflicts.  i faced up to difficult challenges and practiced staying present even when i wanted to check out. add to that all the wonderful people i was able to serve, which my my job totally enjoyable.  i am grateful that i have supported myself there.  i am just grateful for the experience period and i am TOTALLY GRATEFUL it will be over soon.  

looking forward to moving on.  

the month of may will be one for me to focus on the last 35 days of the juice feast.  i will teach a few Live Food Classes, possibly a juice cleansing class, attend a woman's retreat and go to Lighting in a Bottle Festival for 4 days at the end of the month.  the days in between will be spent taking care of me & juicing/healing/fitness.  oh, and packing to move.  that's a big one.

i am really looking forward to all the transition happening.  in the past 53 days so much has already happened for me.

i haven't mentioned this yet.  i think it's important to document.  in the last two weeks 3 people from the past have contacted me.

one, a guy i had a short relationship with 2 and half years ago, called out of the blue and we chatted for a while, caught up with small talk.  then after we ended the conversation he called back and said he was sorry.  i said sorry for what?  he said for treating me so bad while we dated.  he was just now coming to terms with it.  that meant so much to me that he fully acknowledged the hurt he caused me and asked for forgiveness.  

another person,  an ex girlfriend of my ex husbands, found me on my space and sent me a message.  now it's been 4 years since our last contact.  she used to send me energy daggers and say really mean words to me and to my kids about me.  it hurt me so much because i just wanted to be friends and have harmony between us.  she believed everything that my ex said about me.  her email told me how she has turned it all around and sees me through different eyes and admires the path i am on.  she too asked for forgiveness.

then, there is an old friend who i consider to be a soul sister.  we had such amazing energy together one summer 3 years ago.  you could say that together we were creating magic all around us.  then all of a sudden she turned her back and shut the door and our relationship came to end without notice or explanation.  that hurt, and over time i healed & accepted it and moved on in life.  well, she found me on my space too through a mutual friend and sent me an email and it said that she was sorry for ending our friendship.  it had nothing to do with me and it was something she was going through at the time and could i forgive her?

you see, all three of these friends i forgave along time ago without there knowledge.  i have always had nothing but LOVE for them all.  i am grateful that they felt willing & open to bring it around to me years later. 

this gives me hope.  

i desire that the same energy that flows through these past connections to also flow through the connection between me and the ayers family.  i pray for our family to be reconnected and to heal.

i know it is possible and it all starts with willingness and awareness and openness.  i couldn't be more of any of those.

on day 53 of this juice feast i feel that i am processing past relationships on a deep level.  i am visualizing the clearing out of old stuff that has been covered up and stored in my cells and now there is openness for FRESH NEW ALIVE relationships & stuff to come in.

the dreams i have had recently are about letting go of past relationships.  

part of me leaving my job is clearing out old stuff that isn't serving my greatest good right now.

well, this is it for me tonight.  i hope some of this made some sense.  i know it does for me and it feels good to type it out .

much LOVE

p.s. honey, i am saying a BIG HEALING prayer for mom tonight.

Juice Feasting Day 51!!!

it's time for me to LET GO!!!  i have known this for a while, i have held on by a tiny thread for way past the time.  fear has just gotten me to doubt the universe and my heart .

this juice feast does not let my intuition be covered up, that is for sure.  it has spoken to me loud and clear. 

IT IS TIME, I MUST LEAVE THE JOB I HAVE HAD FOR THE PAST YEAR AND MOVE ON!

it doesn't matter the situation, it is just not working with me.  it's funny because the mind wants to argue with my heart.  the heart is so quiet and patient.  the mind is so loud and relentless.  

letting go can feel either way right now depending on how i want to look at it.  i will give my notice to leave tomorrow, then pray that i will be taken care of.  i trust i am.

on the juice feasting front, i have had great GREEN JUICES the past two days.  lots of cravings for sugar and sweetness so i went for some herbal teas that need.  

one of the treats for myself on day fifty was the trip to THE SECRET GARDEN in san luis obispo, where i picked out some really great herbal tea blends.  i LOVE Kristen the store owner, she was a bright shining star that was so into herbs.  she is following her passion for life and it really shows.  that inspires me to do the same.

another treat for my body was a visit to get a colonic.  wow was that transformational.  three long rope like looking pieces that were 8-10 inches long leaving my body.  afterwards i felt so amazingly light and free.  

the cleansing is happening on a deep deep level for me right now.  i know it. i feel it.  

the thing most on my mind is this job thing and it's bringing me down at the moment.  ok, i will take responsibility, i am allowing it to pull me that way.  LET GO BRANDIE, COMPLETELY!!

so this is it for me tonight.

transformation is happening, it can be scary and exciting at the same time.

Juice Feasting Day 48!!!

this piece of really beautiful art speaks to me tonight.  Rita is the artists name and her work is a favorite of mine.

today was a VERY AMAZING day for me.  the kind of day i don't want to be over.  i have noticed that the days that i do not go to work at indigo moon are so peaceful and magical.  that says something about the job i have right now.  more on that later....

i woke up slowly with my honey bunny and we cuddled until he left for work.  then i slowly began to take on the important tasks of the day like setting up press releases for the upcoming Live Food classes i am teaching.  i made new fliers and even had them printed out.  i hopped on my bike and rode through town posting them up.  then i treated myself to the santa rosa creek ride out through the country roads, passing the cows and breathing the freshest air.  all the milk thistle on the side of the road made my mouth water.  the destination was the mini produce stand where i loaded up the bike with shhhhh (oranges, i haven't given up yet) and lots of meyer lemons and limes.  i swear the ride out there was so enlivening that i started to cry with joy.  my heart was so happy.

i came back into town and dropped the citrus off the bike and decided i wanted more exercise. wow, that's something i love to have happen.  i actually want to exercise.  so i started walking and ended up on top of lodge hill  which is about a 2 mile hike up hill.  this time the same destination was a citrus stand and i filled up my bag with more limes & lemons.   

i saw so many friendly faces today on my journey outside around town.  that's another thing about cambria - it's just a big hug for the soul and enlivens the spirit to feel so safe.

i am really grateful for having spent the past three years here.  i haven't mentioned this in my blog yet....i am moving.....to san luis obispo......my honey & i are moving in together......the beginning of july.....when we get back from the rainbow gathering!  it's a HUGE step for both of us and we are both SO EXCITED!  we have been dating for two years (this week is our anniversary, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HONEY)!!!

cambria will always have a special place in my heart for sure.  this little town took me in when i was lost and searching for something to hold onto to.  cambria provided me a safe place to find myself and do SO MUCH recovery & healing.  i have made so many connections here that will forever nurture my heart.  this place is magical.

onto new beginnings and this move just feels natural.  a house found me and it happens to be right in front of the commercial kitchen i will be making magic in.  i have a wonderful friend and live food mentor debbie and together we are co creating a business together.  actually we are merging our two businesses into one.  

thing are good and only getting better.

my daily juices are pretty much the same every day.  i always wake up to the msm/lemon/water, take e3 live, b12 and vitalyzm, natural cellular defence.

throughout the day i drink 3 veggie juices that consist of lemon, lime, cucumber, celery, ginger, garlic and a tons of greens like spinach, kale, rainbow chard, cilantro, basil, romaine and sometimes red bell or beets & their tops.  to that i add VITA-MINERAL GREENS, SPIRULINA, KELP AND HEMP OIL.  then at night the candida screams LET ME HAVE THE ORANGES AND I WILL SHUT UP!!!  so i have the orange juice with cinnamon & coconut butter sometimes or i will go the other way and have it with spirulina - always with bee pollen. 

i always drink 3-4 quarts of water and sometimes i add herbs to that.  milk thistle is a favorite and stone breaker tea is 3 times a day.

i would really like to cut out the oranges and all fruit for at least a week.  i feel the strength to do that arising soon.  

i have another colonic on friday for the mid-way through cleaning out.  honestly, i feel pretty darn cleaned out but i know there is much garbage buried and more gets uncovered everyday.

i think i am done for tonight.

MUCH LOVE!!!!

Juice Feasting Day 45!!!

i have to be honest here.  and that's why i blog.  i have been on an emotional roller coaster of a ride.  lovin the ups and not so content with the downs.  the mind along the way has been enjoying the ride.  something to feed off of.

half way through the feast and i am still in Love with the joys of juice. there is just so much EMOTIONAL DETOX happening through out this process that it is a challenge holding on.

for instance wednesday through friday i was OFF from work and able to really pay attention to myself.  really in great spirits throughout with touches of grey clouds.  it was the anxiety & anxiousness that really threw me off into a zone i resisted.  i felt like running away a lot.  breathed & did some exercise instead and still resisted some.  (I LOVE EXERCISE)

then more waves of anxiety showed up throughout friday pretty heavy.  i passed through it with my honey by my side loving me all the way.  we went to the ocean and laid out in the sunshine, then farmers market then a nice long bike ride.  at the end of the day it was still there and very present.  i decided to to an enema...and there it went....all the anxiety i had been feeling that day left suddenly down the toilet!  what a relief!  

i decided to blog about this experience because i think someone else might be able to benefit from knowing some things about taking care of our own health and well-being.  WE CAN BE IN CHARGE OF OUR OWN BODIES.....THERE IS ANOTHER WAY THAT THE DOCTORS DON"T TELL US ABOUT!  as soon as the enema was over i felt inside that i just let go of all the anxiety i had been suppressing for years with zanax & valium & food & other drugs.

so anyway, that's the big detox story for this week.  

physical detox -  i have had a rash on my elbows and select other parts of my body.  that i believe is coming from candida.  something i know i need to work with.  same rash i had at Living Light!

the picture above is me SO HAPPY to be drinking the orange spirulina bee pollen juice i have once a day.  that is the juice that i have the mixed feelings about.  that's the juice that might be pulling me back to candida-land.  

having all green juices for a while would be a dream come true and that is really what i desire.  at the same time the candida screams SO LOUDLY THAT IT WANTS THE SUGAR JUICE & I HAD BETTER FEED IT NOW!!!  i feel stuck in the middle.

the back pain & toe pain has gone away.

the past week i have pretty much juiced ALL LOCAL PRODUCE!  that feels great!

i am SO GRATEFUL for all of the AMAZING FRIENDS & FAMILY in my life that have supported me through this juicy journey.   making my juice with me when i am in a hurry, listening to me getting all the garbage out, just being there when i need support the most is the greatest gift.  thank you so much & i LOVE YOU!  

time to end this!

thanks for reading!

Juice Feasting Day 38!!!

just cruzing right along in juice feasting land.  loving every minute of this journey.

to tell the truth i have had the experiences of cravings come and go, energy levels go up & down and for the most part things feel amazingly balanced.  does that make sense?

the past two weeks produce has been coming to me from LOCAL ORGANIC GROWERS. meyer lemon season is coming to a close, along with the oranges i have been getting up the hill.  it's okay because all the beautiful berries are on their way!!!

the dehydrator here has been getting a workout!  making food for others while juice feasting is such a joy!  i made savory flax crackers, sweet bread and live fudge.  yummy...so they tell me anyway.

well, this is pretty much it for me checking in to blog land tonight.  i am ready for b-e-d!

much LOVE

Juice Feasting Day 31!!!

   I LOVE JUICE SOOOO MUCH!!!! 

 I LOVE THIS EXTREME ALIVE FEELING I FEEL ALL OVER MY BODY!!!

there is so many flavors in a juice.  today i feasted on some of the best juices.  the mix...lime, lemon, cucumber, celery, big GREEN leaves, cilantro, tomato, garlic, ginger, beets and greens with a bit of dandylion and parsley.  one of the quarts i added hemp oil and kelp.  YUMMY!!!

all the produce LOCAL & ORGANIC!!!

i am still CRAVING the ORANGES & bee pollen.  everyday i am having 3-4 quarts of green juice and at least one quart of orange with spirulina and bee pollen.

at day 29 i started a coffee enema at home.  that was an effective use of a great healing tool.  i experienced great satisfaction and relief from minor sluggishness right away.  i felt like a new me.  i will do those whenever needed.

on other juice feasting news i had SO much balanced energy throughout the weekend.  friday night i was out with friends until 430 in the morning dancing then had 2 hours of sleep before i woke up to get ready for the raw food class i taught on saturday.  i didn't miss a beat, i was ready to go and give that my best and i did.  the class was SO MUCH FUN!!!! i am looking forward to planning another one soon.  i had 5 ladies attend on saturday.

after the class i had to jam to get to work and then i served 40 people dinner and was done about 930pm, just in time to be picked up again and taken to a reggae show to dance the night away.  that is where my honey met me and he carried me half asleep back to his place around 1am and put me to bed for a very enjoyable nights rest.

so for those people who think that juice feasting means no energy for fun...it's the opposite.  i have so much energy i have to be out having fun to use it!!!

the last time i blogged i mentioned that i was going to deliver Cody's birthday present to his house.  well i drove out there, no one was home so i had to leave it at their grandpa's office.  i didn't get to see my boys this time.  i am very proud of myself for driving out there and making the attempt though.  that is a really big step for me.

well i have to end this blog for now.

Much Love

Juice Feasting Day 28!!!

i am so touched by the on line class for A NEW EARTH by ECKHART TOLLE & OPRAH.

i watched monday nights class last night in AW & WOW's.  being fed this teaching while juice feasting and at this moment in my life right now is such a gift.  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!

juice feasting is flowing along. i am feeling in the juice feasting groove as far as ordering & organizing all the produce into my little tiny house & small bar cooler, making the juice and taking care of all of my detoxing needs with ease.  my body & i are REALLY getting to know one another and that is something i have not remembered ever experiencing.  dream time is so ALIVE.  my heart is wide open.  mother earth is LOVING all of the compost.    ZERO TRASH created and i don't know if this has anything to do with the juice feast but my cat onyx and i have bonded so much over the past month.  maybe she is just so happy to be let outside.  last week she brought in a hummingbird present to show how much she loves me.  right now she has been loving all over me since we woke up.  i know she has food in her bowl this is just extra affection.

i am happy to report that i think i tackled the flea issue head on before it got out of hand.  i ended up with only a dozen or so bites on my body.  i remedied the situation by washing all the bedding and coating the carpet in SALT and spraying my tiny house down with Lemon, Lavender & Eucalyptus oil....i even spray my body down after i shower.  onyx got the spray too.....at night the bed gets sprayed before i lay down.  i am mentioning this because there is another way....to avoid any uses of chemicals & to get rid of the fleas in my house.  the natural approach has done the trick and so far so good.  much less expensive too.  it's flea season here, and if anyone reading this has to deal with fleas here are other options besides toxic chemicals that cost a lot!!!

today is my son CODY'S BIRTHDAY!!!  he is 15 years old today.   WOW!!!  i will be calling him in just a little bit and i am feeling like i am a super hero today so i will drive out to the ayers compound and bring his gifts, card and balloons to the door myself.  the power is in the present moment and i will bring that teaching from last night with me while i go.  BE PRESENT.  if i could enlist a trusting friend to go with me i would do that too, just to be a witness but it's too last minute and super hero's  can act alone at times too.

so with that said i am going to start getting ready for the big adventures for the day.  i am grateful to a friend who has lent me her car today to make the drive to deliver the easter & birthday gifts to cody & taylor and pick up the weekly order of LOCAL PRODUCE that came through from the farmers.  

please say a prayer for me and my boys.  

much LOVE

Juice Feasting Day 23!!!

this is where i desire to be really soon.  camping & hiking up the coast for a little nature get away.  all i want to do is roll around in the earth and feel the sun shining all over my body, hear the oceans rhythm and make wishes upon the stars.  

as i sit here tonight typing this blog i am looking at the big full moon.  it is a beautiful light yellow color.  i feel it....

i am enjoying nature to the fullest and all of the beauty it shares.

juice feasting is flowing along very nicely.  enjoying the ritual part of it everyday.  making the 4 quarts a day has become a breeze.  the types of juices that are coming together are turning out really good.  a favorite the past two days.....ROMAINE, CUCUMBER, CELERY, LEMON, GARLIC, RED BELL PEPPER, & LOTS OF CILANTRO with some kelp & cayanne.

a shift of where the produce is coming from will happen this week.  i have decided to 

GO LOCAL with the JUICE FEASTING JOURNEY and gather up all of the produce i possibly can from the local organic farmers i am surrounded by.  i am done picking up cases from the co-op when i can get perfectly GREAT produce from farmers market down the street.  makes sense right?

a detox reaction i had last night REALLY SURPRISED me.....wanna hear it????  of course you do or you would not be reading this right?

well i was at work and i kept smelling a strong cigarette oder following me, for a while i could not place the smell.  then about 30 minutes into the pondering i looked down at my right hand and fingers and smelt them and that is the smell....tar or nicotine coming out of my fingers!!!!  it was coming right out of the cracks of my first 3 fingers!!!  i had to run to my co-worker just to get confirmation that this is really happening!!!  he confirmed it and looked at what was happening in amazement!  i quite smoking August 11th of last year and i went 3 years smoking cigarettes.  my body is really cleaning house right now!!!

so that was really exciting to see.  a sign, this is worth it!!! MY BODY LOVES ME!!!!

i am going to end this blog for tonight.  i can't wait to pick up the new book i am reading called

A NEW EARTH by ECKART TOLLE.  I am watching their on line class and i am getting ready to hear tomorrow nights talk.

LOVE TO ALL!!!

Juice Feasting Day 18!!!

the picture was taken yesterday for my NEW CLASS FLYER I MADE!!!! March 29th my FIRST LIVE FOOD CLASS here in CAMBRIA!!!!

i am sitting here sipping one of my favorite juices (ORANGE, GINGER & SPIRULINA) in bed wearing super comfy pj's experiencing such a painful back ache on my right side.  it's ok, i am getting through it and i am just so amazed that this back pain is showing up for me right now.  i think i know what it is from. i am going to share because i feel no shame and i am pretty certain that this is really what is going on.  the point of blogging for me is to be truthful, inspiring and OPEN w/o judgement.  so, this pain reminds me of the same back pain i experienced when i was addicted drugs a few years ago.  i have been drug free for well over 3 years now and i haven't had this kind of pain since then until now.  so one of the main reasons for me to be doing this cleanse is to HELP TO HEAL MY BODY of ALL THE DESTRUCTION CAUSED BY DRUGS....  not only the illegal drugs but the ones i have been prescribed throughout my life for many many different things.  on top of that, the drinking of alcohol (i rarely did that) and the 3 years of smoking cigarettes.

so NOW my body is CLEANING HOUSE....it is getting rid of all the built up toxins and all those cells are happily rebuilding themselves to be healthier and more pure than ever.   this is my take on the back pain.  there you have it,  it's out now.  i am not ashamed, i do not judge myself it is what it is.

onto other fun stuff to share with you....the morning walks through the forest the past three mornings have been a pure delight for me going solo and practicing walking meditation.  this morning i took my i pod and listened to Michael Franti & Spearhead and the music actually made me run up the hill for a moment.  the deer, rabbits and birds were all out to greet me this morning.  the rays from the sunrise through the fog were magical and i felt uplifted from it all.  cambria is beautiful for sure!

onyx is on the go now.  i have been letting her go out a couple of hours a day.  she's just so happy about being able to be free.  i understand.  she is feeling much better & continues to eat grass...oh well, as long as she is happy.  

oh, yes, thanks to Rich, i had my first ORGANIC COCONUT and now that is all i will ever drink again.  no more asian coconuts.  no thank you.  now i can taste the poison and unnaturalness in them.  so what if they are 2 dollars more.  if i am going to put it in my body it has to be organic.

this weeks case order from the co-op was great!  ORGANIC  dandylions, kale, celery, pink lady apples.  at farmers market i bought SO MANY FRESH LOCAL BUNCHES OF GREENS, cucumbers, garlic.  the amazing organic citrus stand down the street continues to supply me with THE BEST MEYER LEMONS, ORANGES & LIMES!!!!  The vita-mix nut bag trick is getting so fast, i have the whole thing down now.  making my juice in the mornings has become a routine that i enjoy.

i haven't been able to leave the fruit alone.  i am sticking with the fruit for a while longer.  i am too happy with the oranges and apples.  blueberry season here is just a couple of weeks away.  my berry bushes at my front door just got their blossoms.  so yeah, not giving up the fruit just yet.  oh, yeah, i just remembered the strawberries too.  yummy.  a figure that as long as i get in all my greens and water i am good to go with a little fruit a day.

well, i am ending this now.  i am onto watching eckart tolle and oprah at oprah.com.

MUCH LOVE, LIGHT AND JOY TONIGHT!!!

Juice Feasting Day 15!!!

I have been feeling pretty incredible  the last few days.  I can defiantly feel some shifts happening in me and around me.

I have had a ton of energy and a sense of peace too.

Nothing really new to report.  

Oh other than a successful visit to the colon hydrotheropist!

I will be nice and spare the details!

Onyx (my cat) has been really sick but i think she is getting better.  maybe she is taking on my detox symptoms for me because i sure haven't been feeling a whole lot in the detox department of the juice feast.

honestly, the only cravings i have had came today when i was looking at all the food i was serving people.  i felt little urges to eat a small bite of something but that all passed really quickly and i enjoy my juice so much more and this great feeling of being free from all that "food" stuff!

this is it for me tonight.  i am ready for bed!

much LOVE & yes i am very much ALIVE!!!

Juice Feasting Day 12!!!

all i can say today is WOW!  a steady release of exciting, positive and extremely productive energy has flowed through me today.  i woke up happy and ready to begin the beautiful day i have off from work.  i had no particular plan and plenty to keep me occupied. 

 

so, i went for a beautiful hill and forest walk, one of my favorite walks with one of my favorite women in my life.  

after the walk/talk we went and got large bags of fresh ORANGES, LIMES, MEYER LEMONS and GRAPEFRUITS right up the road from a local farmer who grows them organically.  the price is outragous....guess how much? LARGE  oranges are 8 for a dollar, limes are 8 for 25 cents, meyer lemons are 6 for 25 cents and i can't remember what the grapefruit.  we felt RICH in CITRUS TODAY!!!  amazing how having fresh ORGANIC PRODUCE can make a girl FEEL SO GOOD!  i told rich last night that the way to my heart these days is easy (truely)  just bring me a coconut!!!  or 4 or 5 or even a case would be great!  ha haha!!

well after the CITRUS adventure we desided to go by the place that bought my totaled car back in November.  we pulled up right next to it and i didn't even recognize it....it's been restored and the guy did such an amazing job that i thought that it was a new car and not mine at all.  he told me that i might be able to buy it back.  the might that stands in the way will get worked out my the universal forces.  if it is meant to be mine again it will come back to me, if not then i am sure to find another car that is meant for me.  i am just happy to see it repaired.

once renee dropped me back off at my house i had a laugh keeping up with myself!!!  i completed one task after another!  i cleaned out so many areas of my house, did laundry, made a new batch of komucha (by the way, GREEN TEA & HONEY DOES MAKE GREAT KOMBUCHA!!!), i played outside in the garden & cleaned up all around my house outside, planted snap dragons, dandy lion seeds & baby kale, caught up on many podcasts while doing all the above & drank all of my GREEN JUICES TODAY!!!  PLUS 3 QUARTS OF WATER!!  Tonight i kept the momentum going and caught up on the juice feasting reading & blog & videos by David & Katrina, the creators of JUICE FEASTING.com.  

last night i did some work on the website and prepared myself for teaching a class March 29th.  this will be my FIRST LIVE FOOD CLASS and i am really ready to begin this here in Cambria.

i am full of gratitude today for things becoming SO EXTREMELY CLEAR to me.  i feel like a CLEAR CHANNEL.  the dreams that have been coming to me EVERY NIGHT are so amazing...i am having so much fun while i sleep i am grateful for that as well.

i feel that this juice feast & going to Living Light were the two best gifts i could possiblely given to myself right now.  

i have to end this for tonight!

MUCH LOVE

Juice Feasting Day 10!!!

i am so jazzed about the juice feasting today!  a happy to be walking the earth alive kind of feeling today.

yesterday was another story and i will write about that in a minute.  both days i had all green juices and one orange, spirilina & bee pollen juice & exercised for over an hour as well.  tonight was nearly 10 minutes rebounding, 20 minutes weight training and an hour of NIA!!!  felt great!  alittle bit of lower back pain of the right side. i am choosing to express this because it is NOT typical for me to have back pain.  is it the kidneys?  could be...

i have scheduled a colonic for thursday and that should help things if it is the kidneys.

the thing i am most thrilled about blogging tonight is that I AM remembering my DREAMS and for two days in a row they have showed up the following day as actually happening.  i am excited about this because i remember this happening when i was young (in my teen years) and it hasn't happened since.

saturday night i dreamt that there was a lot of drama happening at my job and i questioned my position in it and if i should continue working there and if i do what part i would play in it.  my dream had the SAME feeling and i felt yesterday at work when the drama began to happen.  i have a choice to make really soon and i know it.  it IS time to leave my JOB.  it's really interesting that on this juice feast that i have realized that it is VERY DIFFICULT to DO that which i am NOT aligned to do.  i have know for a while that it is time to leave i am just holding on by a very fine piece of thread.  it's a bit of a fear factor for me to just let go and trust that i will be directed to where i am meant to go.  

the other dream was last night and i dreamt that Onyx (my cat) has been plotting on how to get out of the house.  (she has been only indoor since i got her 8 months ago)  then tonight when i got home from the gym she was at the bottom of my stairs outside....she preceded to show me how she got out by running up the stairs ahead of me and jumped through a loose part of the screen back inside.

now what do i do?  she wants outside SO bad and i live on MAIN STREET!!!  she is the sweetest cat ever and i just want to protect her from the stray cats, ticks, fleas & other wild animals.

cool dreaming huh? well this is it for me tonight.  i am craving a shower and a book.

much LOVE

Juice Feasting Day 8!!!

Yeah, week one is behind me and i feel  pretty good overall.  going through some stuff ~ emotionally, MENTALLY, and some physical.

today my honey made my juices for me and i had all green juices that contained....

cucumber, celery, spinach, parsley, water crest, swiss chard, dandy lion and lots of lemon and lime.

and one not so green juice was tomato, basil, spinach & kelp powder (YUMMY)

tonight when i got home i wanted some sweet juice SO bad that i made orange juice & balanced out the sweetness with a tbsp of spirilina & bee pollen.

i am very happy that i got outside a lot today and excersised & got some sun.  that really makes a difference in how i feel.

here's a little info i got from juicefeasting.com tonight regarding green juices...

Green-leafed vegetables are overall the best source of iron; parsley and spinach are particularly high in iron. Greens heal anemia. (Other sources of iron include red-colored fruits, such as watermelon, berries, pome granate, and red-flesh figs).
 
Green-leafed vegetables often do not taste as wonderful as fruits. But eating them nonetheless breaks associations of pleasure with eating, therefore decreasing the possibility of overeating. Green-leafed vegeta bles diminish the enjoyment in eating and act as a natural stop for us in the eating cycle.
 
Where does the cow get its calcium for its milk? From green grass, of course. Now we are not grass eaters, but this analogy is instructive because it demonstrates that all the minerals a cow is constructed from are present in grass - in simple green grass!
 
Green-leafed vegetables are always the best source of heavy minerals: calcium, magnesium, etc. The alkaline minerals in greens balance the acid-forming minerals (sulfur, chlorine, and phosphorus) found in avoca dos, nuts, seeds, onions, garlic, etc.
 
Green-leafy vegetation is also an excellent detoxifier of the liver, espe cially wild green vegetation. Deep green and wild green vegetation binds with heavy metals and chemicals from recreational drugs and allows the body to wash them out as salts through the urine.

i just thought i would share alittle tid bit with you.

this is all i really have tonight.

kinda boring and really want to SLEEEP>>>>>for a LONG TIME!!!

Juice Feasting Day 5!!!

this picture was taken on the eve of the juice feast in the cottage at sycamore mineral springs in avila beach where rich and i celebrated his birthday & our relationship with each other.  

that explains the rare occasion that i drink wine and it was the best glass of wine i have ever had.  Linne Coloda - problem child.

this is a great before picture and i look forward to putting the after right beside it on June 5th.

today is day five....almost through the first week.

i am feeling great, energized and alive.  i do feel the changes begin to take place within my body.

yesterday i had kidney pains in my lower back and the foot pain that has been bothering me for 2 years is acting up again.   as soon as i cleared out the colon this morning the lower back pain went away instantly and i felt great.

the juicer and vita-mix arrived yesterday.  all set up in the kitchen and ready for lots of action.  today, i went back and forth, comparing the difference between juicing with the vita mix & nut bag our using the green star.  they are both GREAT machines and i feel really happy to have them as part of my health for the rest of my life.  i know i will be using them forever and they will get 1000's of hours of use.  

speaking of juice making today i made the same as yesterday and that was.....

LOTS OF GREEN VEGGIE JUICE!!!!

one treat each day was 

ORANGE ~ PINEAPPLE ~ SPINACH ~ SPIRILINA ~ BEE POLLEN!!

um, YUM!!!  careful not to get used to that everyday.  NOT TO BE A HABIT!!

i actually know that i have to end my SUGAR ADDICTION SOON!!!

i knew this clearly at living light and before beginning the feast.  i knew that i just had to start the feast with the best chance possible of staying on it and after 15 days of making it a habit i will cut out the fruit.   SO SAD!!!!

even as i write this i can hear the little candida beings screaming at me through my skin and now they are plotting to take my head over so i can't stop the SUGAR ADDICTION!!

we will see...

today & yesterday i got in 2 walks, one being up bridge street hill and back through the forest, in the dark, wet trails full of POISON OAK!  the other was less gnarly and that was a walk at the cove & on the pier breathing fresh FRESH air and soaking up lots of Vitamin D from the almighty SUN!  i even got the christmas lights off the hoola hoop and gave that a whirl again.  picked right up where i left off.  one of my goals for this feast is to be the best hooper i can be.

well this is it for me and day 5.

much LOVE, HEALTH and HAPPINESS!

Juice Feasting Day 3!!!

i am showered with flowers and lots of love

and that feels GREAT!

i have been following the Juice Feasters plan to the fullest.

To catch you up,  i have been away for a few days....

Every morning i wake up to 1 quart of pure water with meyer lemon & msm.

followed by a shot of e3 live (blue green algae from the kalamath lake) and a  BEAUTIFUL 1- quart veggie drink made with all organic vegetables plus a heaping scoop of vita-mineral greens for fun.

throughout the day i have another 3 quarts of amazing tasting juices that are all different combinations.  

i'll tell you a few juicy details....

on saturday i spent 115.00 on ORGANIC produce and i got 6 cucumber, 6 celery, 2 kale, 1 swiss chard, 10 lbs of spinach, 3 leeks, 5 lbs of apples, 2 cilantro, 2 parsley, 2 dandelion, 5 lbs of carrots, 4 jalapenos, 2 bunch of garlic, 3 red bell pepper, ginger & 8 tomatoes.  this should last me the rest of the week but by the looks of my fridge i don't think i will make it till friday.

my weight that i started the juice feast with is 168.5.  

i plan to do at least an hour of exercise a day.  tonight i did all the weights & Nia for one hour and yesterday i did the ocean/forest walk and soaked up the sun for 30 minutes.  

i also just had a fun time just hanging out and talking with one of my girlfriends tonight.  having a nice girlfriend talk about life and that was soul food for me tonight!  thank you suraya!

overall i am feeling like i am doing the best thing for me right now and i love being in that knowing that all is well and i am supported.

i am sooooo ready for dream time.  they are getting good!

lotsa LOVE

Mountain Pride

i love this picture i took today.  my little home in the background.

i am writing tonight with just a few things to say then i am taking the night off tomorrow night to surprise my honey with a get away evening.  i love it, he has no idea what tomorrow evening has in store for him.  i love to surprise him.

today was interesting, relaxing and somewhat productive.  i did an hour of Nia, an hour of pilates first thing this morning.  came home and started to prepare my space for JUICE FEASTING!!!  bagging up all the food to pass on, cleaning up the kitchen making space for the new juicer to arrive (it was shipped yesterday).  making out the shopping list for the up coming week.  i paid bills, mailed a letter, checked in on an old friend, make a new batch of kombucha.  this time with green tea and honey.  i am going extreme on this.  all the research says NOT to substitute sugar but i am...i don't want sugar in my komucha.  the lady who taught me said only use lipton black tea and i didn't want that either, so i am rebelling and giving it my best shot using what i feel i want.  who knows i might create something wonderful.  i just pray the baby doesn't die.  i watched a couple of really great movies...the "wild parrots of telegraph hill" and a Buddhist type of one called "spring, summer, fall, winter and spring".   the sun went down with a nice long walk up bridge street hill and through the forest, where i took a whole new trail and had some excitement getting "lost".

i am proud of myself for something else i did today.....i took my flower essences and got up the courage to walk across the street to talk to my boss about the way i have been feeling about my job there.  not knowing if i was going to come home without a job i had to lay it all out....clear the air because i had a BUNCH of built up tension and it was making me stressed.

VERY LITTLE STRESS THROUGH THE JUICE FEAST IS REQUIRED TO FULLY DETOX!

i was doing this for my health and had to let go of the attachments i have to working there.  things worked out and i will still continue to work there for now.  the money is good and for now it is working.

i am feeling called out of cambria and closer to cody and taylor.  i don't have a car still and i just feel like the city has more options.  i could make it work here and we will see what the future has in store.

it's bed time and i won't be blogging for a couple of days so next time i do i will be a lot more juicy! 

much LOVE

i LOVE blogging...

for one it keeps me in touch with my family & friends.  lets them know what is going on in my life without me having to fill them in every time, they already know through reading the blogs.  

the most important part of blogging is for me (in addition to my own private journals)  i have a recorded history and a place to get my thoughts out.  a place and form of expression.  

this is going to be quick tonight as i am ready to get cozy in bed with a new library book (i check out 15 new ones today).  i now have books on aroma & herbal therapy, soul stories, angels, cat care, raw food recipes, belly dancing & yoga dvds, and soooo much more.

today renee and i worked on court paperwork to file a response with the court regarding the papers i was served for child support and to seek work.  the response was quite lengthy because it's a big fraudulent mess to respond to.  at first i felt a dark cloud come over me and i felt hopeless, and i wanted to crawl under the nearest rock and hide until this part of my life is over.  then renee gave me flower essences and i felt more able to clear through the dark cloud and sort through the piles of legal paperwork.  

here's to the POWER OF FLOWERS!!!  let me tell you!

that was the extent of my day pretty much.  it's all i could handle.  oh, except for the phone call to TAYLOR....we got to talk for a good 15 minutes before his grandma said he had to get off the phone to do his homework.  he loved coming home to find the birthday balloons and gifts i left at the door last night.  he was eating the granola bars i made for him when i called.  we talked about what was in them and about eating organic.  he even mentioned meeting this weekend and i said anytime anywhere i will be there.

yeah for that.  progress is happening & we deserve this to happen!!!  after that prayer renee and i made last night i KNOW that the tides are turning!!!

tonight i will be visualizing that happening and what that feels like.

good night!

Happy Birthday Taylor!

i was unable to see taylor today.  the phone calls to diane went ignored and unanswered as i knew they would.  it's ok.  things are going to turn around very soon.  i called this morning to wish taylor a beautiful day and that was great!  what is even better (THANK YOU RENEE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART) is she drove me all the way out to their house aka the ayers compound and i left the gifts at the door (nobody was home).  i was shaking as we drove the distance down the long dirt road.  my eyes pealed on any detail or sign of cody & taylor and their surroundings.  a little hat left hanging on the fence, their bikes, dexter the dog...this is the first time i have been out to the property in well over 3 years.  it's scary and cold and dark and i have a whole lotta fear that surrounds that place so going out there to seek my children that i haven't seen in just as long is a HUGE MONUMENT for me.  i did it though, with support.

on other news...i am continuing to follow the pre-juice feasting habits.still ready as ever to get this journey on the go and at the same time saying goodbye to some favorite foods for a few months.  i have 3 avocados left...some walnuts & dates i will make milk out of tomorrow, finishing up the bananas and nut butters too.  um...these are some of the raw food attachments i have going right now.

today i ordered the vita mix and green star juicer to support me throughout the next 3 months. tomorrow i order the produce by the case from the co-op to be picked up friday. 

alright, this is it for me tonight.  much to tired to keep this up.

much love

remembering to breath deep today

ah, i woke this morning to the super charged sun shining it's rays directly at my face with so much passion and fire.  i couldn't help but to strip down and soak up the vitamin D offering for an extra 30 minutes.  popped up with just enough time to begin the juice feasting habits i am beginning to practice before i got to jet across the street to serve all day.

i made myself the quart of pure water with meyer lemon/msm.  for lunch a VERY simple spinach & sprout salad with a Tbsp. of flax oil.  as a snack a couple of tangelos.  dinner tonight is water (i am just not feeling like food).  it's a good thing because i actually don't have much to choose from at home to eat.  both farmers markets last week were rained out.  so sad...

the title of tonight's blog came from me noticing that over the last two days i have been forgetting to breathe.  i have been holding onto the breath and then just taking a shallow breath. i am feeling anxiety a bit i have noticed.  that could be related.  tomorrow is Taylor's tenth birthday and i wish like THE BIGGEST WISH that we could be together!  i feel the idea being pushed away and i can't do anything about it.  it's like my kids are right in front of me, i see them from a distance and i can't be near them.  

i keep remembering a scary dream i had that jack and diane (the grandparents) kidnapped their first two kids (who are adopted) and now they have kidnapped mine and don't plan on ever giving them back.  sometimes when i get mad at diane for not letting me talk to them i want to scream at her and ask her if this is TRUE?  hum...scary isn't it....

speaking of dreams i LOVE that i have been remembering so many dream.  for SOOO long they were suppressed and i often wondered if i was ever going to remember my dreams again.  tonight i ask for guidance before i go to sleep as to what DO I DO IN THIS FUCKED UP SITUATION!!!  i am SO SICK OF IT CONTROLLING MY BLISSFUL LIFE!!!  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

i know that this week renee and i have committed to filling out the court paperwork.  the response to the "get a job" paper and a court order to ask for my caseS to be evaluated.

enough of that for now.  i am getting to worked up before bed.

on the fitness front, tonight i walked for 45 minutes beside the ocean, feeling the breeze, watching the sun go down (thanks renee) then an hour of NIA (thanks suraya) and i stayed after and did the weigh circut.  

came home, installed the NEW SHOWER FILTER and took a hot/cold/hot/cold/hot/cold/hot shower.  gave my feet a much deserved rub and brushed the teeth and tried out the NEW TONGUE BRUSH i got.  never done that before and i have to say how cool that concept really it.  try it if you haven't ever done it!  i really love all the juice feasting practices i am trying for the first time.  

5 more days until the BIG DAY begins!!!  grandma, grandpa, aunt darlena, MOM, dad, sue if you are all reading this and feeling worried that i am going to drop dead.  don't be, check out their website.....juicefeasting.com and read up on it.  i feel/believe that this is the best thing i can be doing for myself right now.  watch me grow and with your LOVE and support through this 92 day phase and beyond!!!

one of the practices i plan to keep up on is a nightly blog to keep you updated on how i am doing and for myself i want a record so i can reflect later when i have progressed.

so this is it for tonight.  

LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!  i LOVE my FAMILY!  and.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY (RICH)!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!