remembering to breath deep today

ah, i woke this morning to the super charged sun shining it's rays directly at my face with so much passion and fire.  i couldn't help but to strip down and soak up the vitamin D offering for an extra 30 minutes.  popped up with just enough time to begin the juice feasting habits i am beginning to practice before i got to jet across the street to serve all day.

i made myself the quart of pure water with meyer lemon/msm.  for lunch a VERY simple spinach & sprout salad with a Tbsp. of flax oil.  as a snack a couple of tangelos.  dinner tonight is water (i am just not feeling like food).  it's a good thing because i actually don't have much to choose from at home to eat.  both farmers markets last week were rained out.  so sad...

the title of tonight's blog came from me noticing that over the last two days i have been forgetting to breathe.  i have been holding onto the breath and then just taking a shallow breath. i am feeling anxiety a bit i have noticed.  that could be related.  tomorrow is Taylor's tenth birthday and i wish like THE BIGGEST WISH that we could be together!  i feel the idea being pushed away and i can't do anything about it.  it's like my kids are right in front of me, i see them from a distance and i can't be near them.  

i keep remembering a scary dream i had that jack and diane (the grandparents) kidnapped their first two kids (who are adopted) and now they have kidnapped mine and don't plan on ever giving them back.  sometimes when i get mad at diane for not letting me talk to them i want to scream at her and ask her if this is TRUE?  hum...scary isn't it....

speaking of dreams i LOVE that i have been remembering so many dream.  for SOOO long they were suppressed and i often wondered if i was ever going to remember my dreams again.  tonight i ask for guidance before i go to sleep as to what DO I DO IN THIS FUCKED UP SITUATION!!!  i am SO SICK OF IT CONTROLLING MY BLISSFUL LIFE!!!  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

i know that this week renee and i have committed to filling out the court paperwork.  the response to the "get a job" paper and a court order to ask for my caseS to be evaluated.

enough of that for now.  i am getting to worked up before bed.

on the fitness front, tonight i walked for 45 minutes beside the ocean, feeling the breeze, watching the sun go down (thanks renee) then an hour of NIA (thanks suraya) and i stayed after and did the weigh circut.  

came home, installed the NEW SHOWER FILTER and took a hot/cold/hot/cold/hot/cold/hot shower.  gave my feet a much deserved rub and brushed the teeth and tried out the NEW TONGUE BRUSH i got.  never done that before and i have to say how cool that concept really it.  try it if you haven't ever done it!  i really love all the juice feasting practices i am trying for the first time.  

5 more days until the BIG DAY begins!!!  grandma, grandpa, aunt darlena, MOM, dad, sue if you are all reading this and feeling worried that i am going to drop dead.  don't be, check out their website.....juicefeasting.com and read up on it.  i feel/believe that this is the best thing i can be doing for myself right now.  watch me grow and with your LOVE and support through this 92 day phase and beyond!!!

one of the practices i plan to keep up on is a nightly blog to keep you updated on how i am doing and for myself i want a record so i can reflect later when i have progressed.

so this is it for tonight.  

LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!  i LOVE my FAMILY!  and.....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HONEY (RICH)!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!