Sunday, October 11, 2009

Extracting the Inspiration Within ME

i like this picture of me. i know what i am feeling inside at that moment.  i am feeling inspired by nature and Love for myself and all that surrounds me.  i get that feeling most often when i am on the healthy living routine that i set up for myself.  i feel a natural source of energy surging through my veins and the mind is clearer and Love is flowing freely.  it's easy for me to connect with myself and others when i am feeling this way.  i am on such a transformational journey with myself, as if it is a full time job, that i am able to recognize the behavior patterns, physical & emotional differences and the mind games that show up.  i have taken to this journey seriously for myself, life and in effect the world.




i know what healthy feels like and i live for that feeling within myself.  

i am inspired by that feeling.




i am bound to discovering myself.




i am following the path to living ALIVENESS!!!



i am inspired to Be Me!

Friday, September 4, 2009

i am baaaccckkk to blogging!!!

i missed this blogging space.  the past postings have refreshed my memory about why i began to write a blog.  a place for me to gather the bits of life together that i wish to share.  juice feasting was the main reason i began, now it is the pure pleasure of sharing more of myself and what is going on for me these days.

to fill in a bit, i am back in beautiful Cambria and this time i take the country road home.  yup, santa rosa creek road!  Cambria wanted me back so here i am.  

i did the raw food cafe thing in slo for a year and that was a learning experience in business for me for sure!  i collected a bunch of really amazing new friends and found the true LOVE for me these days and that is BIKRAM YOGA!!!  ok, so i have another LOVE too and that one i will keep a secret for a bit longer....

i developed some products and have been taking them to farmers market for the past 4 months.  THE ONE PRODUCT I REALLY care for with passion is LIQUID LOVE.  the others i am getting ready to either pass the production onto someone else or let it go.  

i feel that the REAL MESSAGE coming to me is to LIVE SIMPLY and STOP with the INSANE AMOUNTS OF WORK!!!  

so i find myself out here on a farm with unlimited possibilities and a whole lotta love to give and an amazing opportunity to truly give it to myself.  what am i directed to do?

that's what this is about this time...what do i really desire to do?

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Juice Feasting Day 91!!!

(This is one of the best pictures of myself while juice feasting.  i remember this morning clearly)

What a journey this 91 days has been.  if you ask me now, it went by fast.  the last month especially.  yesterday i ate soaked prunes + a hand full of dates as well as the usual 4 quarts of green juice.  i couldn't help myself at farmer's market.  i have a bowl of apricots waiting me today with fresh, local, organic blue berries.  tomorrow i will be making a cucumber, tomato and basil salad.  i am ready to move onto chewing and delighting in avocado, sprouts and the SWEET SWEET SPINACH!!!  SAUERKRAUT is at the top of that list as well!!!

The biggest challenge of the juice feast for me as been gearing up to juice everyday.  once i get into the flow - NO PROBLEM, it's just the "before juicing procrastination" that sometimes lasts for hours on some days.  what is that juice resistance about anyway?  i haven't pin pointed that out yet!

Another challenge for me was not tasting too much food while making food for others.  especially the last 30 days that i have been more into making LIVE VEGAN food for others, there is a part of me that really wanted to experience what they are tasting and allowed myself that tiniest bite, feeling it all the way down my system and through my energy as well.  which is an important lesson for me as well.  i feel that effect specifically with dehydrated foods.  lower energy and a feeling of heaviness.

the last 30 days for me have been really full filling and that appears to me to be where everything came together.  90 days of JUICE FEASTING are perfect, with the last two as a sort of play day along with the four quarts of GREENS!!!

i will take MANY of the Juice Feasting habits with me - the morning msm/lemon/water in the quart jar every morning when i wake, skin/tongue brushing, GREEN JUICE, all the stretching & exercise, journaling/blogging, taking time to lay in the sun, colonics/enemas, and over all just being the BEST i can possibly to myself!

i woke up really excited this morning and hopeful!!!

On the heels of the 92 day JUICE FEAST i am moving onto another phase of my life.  today i will be putting the last of the things in my house into boxes and moving them into storage tomorrow.  


well this is all i have right now.  i feel like i need to get moving along!


Monday, May 12, 2008

Juice Feasting Day 73!!!

Breaking through today.  the past two weeks have been very much about my younger years.  healing from my parents divorce that happened when i was 13-14, relationships i had in my teens and a ton of emotion that was suppressed for WAY TOO LONG.  i found myself quite a few times the past week acting out those emotions.  

this weekend i was at a woman's retreat and really had a chance to be quite and nurture myself and that's just what i did.  as well as had a letting go ceremony, made a vision board, took a long walk on the beach, made lots of yummy live food for everyone (JUICY JUICE FOR ME), hoola hooped, learned new moves, rebounded, made some soy candles, and really connected with a plant named peperoni presence just to say a few things.  the other 6 women were joys to be with too.  all in all it was a restful weekend.  it had a wonderful ending with my honey bringing me coconuts, melon and LOADS of LOVE!!!  ah, yum yum!

then there is the break threw i felt come on this afternoon while i was out for a walk.  while clearing my head a sense of surrender and peace came over me and a thought passed through my mind that i was through the tough emotional stuff i had been processing the past two weeks.  after that, freedom filled my being.

i am FREE in the world now to create whatever i want.  today is the first monday of the new business adventure with debbie.  i planned menus, shopping lists, worked on the website and emails and phone calls.  i walked for two hours, went to nia to DANCE & PLAY.  and the funnest of all i played in the kitchen tonight making live food for a friend who is leaving for a trip.  

i am SO EXCITED about this new stuff happening in my life right now.  so GRATEFUL for all the blessings in my life!

this is it for me tonight i am so tired and ready to tuck myself in.  i have a busy day planned for myself.  more of the same!  i am soooo lucky!!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Juice Feasting Day 64!!!

(the whites of my eyes are SOOOO EXTREMELY WHITE)
a whole week just zoomed by.  juice feasting is going GREAT!!!  earlier in the week i had a moment of insanity that i journaled about already in my personal book.  i made it through and everything is back on track.
the typical morning is pretty much like this....wake up around 7ish, go out for a walk, come home and make juice....3 quarts of green (lemon, lime, garlic, ginger, cucumber, celery, kale, swiss chard, cilantro, basil and dandelion)  always adding Vita-Mineral Greens, Spirulina, kelp, cayenne and hemp oil.  then one or two quarts of orange and sometimes adding pineapple with bee pollen and cinnamon.  sometimes i add spirulina to that one too.  so that juice making is pretty routine.  i take b12 and e3 live, just started Brain On.  i will begin the parasite cleanse as soon as the store gets it in.  after spend about an hour and half making the days juice i either go to work or work around the house.  i have been REALLY ENJOYING my FREE TIME TO PLAY WHATEVER I WANT!!!  
the scale read 148 the other day!!!  that is 20lbs i have lost on this juice feast.  i know i have been building extra muscle too.  i can notice a HUGE DIFFERENCE IN THE WAY MY BODY LOOKS AND FEELS AND I LOVE THAT!!!
i feel that the cleansing part of the feast is over and i am onto the rebuilding phase.  
my last day of work is TUESDAY.  YEAH!!!    i am planning to do a few days of just water coming up.  i plan to take a rest at home and really go inward and feel how that feels.
well, this is it for tonight. 
up early tomorrow for a walk!

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Juice Feasting Day 58!!!

this is me and my new baby bunny named Little Miss Love or just Love for short.  She loves to hang out on my shoulder.  my honey brought her back for me from a trip he just took to visit his mom.  he knows how bad i have wanted a bunny.  our cat onyx needed a playmate too.  i can tell we are all matches made in heaven.

so interesting things have been stirring up inside me & around me.  first i have had  the past four days off from work to really focus on me and what i am putting energy towards.  i am really digging what that feels like.

i was able to spend two of the days with my new business partner Debbie doing what i LOVE and that is making RAW FOOD in the kitchen for others.  it's even more awesome  because she is on a JUICE FEAST TOO....she's past 92 days on LOVING IT SO MUCH SHE DOES NOT WANT TO STOP.  we catered a dinner for over 30 people last night.  4 course gourmet meal that EVERY ONE LOVED!!!  that felt so good doing what i love with such a positive FUN LOVING PERSON!!!  

i have had some eating issues arise for about a week now and very strong the past 2 days.  today was the worst.  i have felt attracted to cooked food and besides that i have been feeling like "sneaking" it, like when i was a little kid and i had to "sneak" food all the time.  that came up today when i was soul searching about what the hell is going on.  i forgot all about how i used to have to do that when i was little.  my mom would always give me a hard time about what i ate and when i could eat, that i got into this strange behavior of sneaking food.   little bites here and there.  not good behaviors.

i am NOT breaking this JUICE FEAST...NO WAY that's not an option i am just connecting dots and making observations of things coming up.

i have been resisting GREEN JUICE.  today i couldn't even think about one.  so today i had an orange, then i had a carrot, celery, beet and ginger and a carrot, celery, ginger later on that my sweet honey made for me.  i drank the water of 3 coconuts and that's it.

i think tomorrow things will be different.  as i type this i am feeing more towards a green tomorrow to balance out all the sweetness of today.

yesterday i felt sick all day.  a BAD HEADACHE and i felt dizzy and sick in my tummy all day.  until my honey came back from visiting his mom for a week and put his loving hands on my neck.  without knowing what he was doing the pain i had been feeling for hours and hours was GONE!  magic hands.  boy, was i grateful!!!

i am ending this for tonight.


Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Juice Feasting Day 53!!!

Happy Earth Day!  

tonight i planted seeds outside the door of the house i live in. nasturtiums and borage.  it is so breezy and cold out there.

so i came in and made some herbal tea from the new blends i brought home from the secret garden.  ummmm, the favorite so far is the balancing tea...sarsaparilla root, licorice root, carob, cardamom and ginger root.

i also celebrated that today is my independance day as renee named it.  the day i gave the notice at work that i am leaving.  

i will share, that when the owner walked in today i froze and my stomach tied up in knots and i felt sick.  the feeling reminded me of when i was married and my ex husband would come home.  the anxiety i felt.  after i gave my notice the knots began to slowly ease up.  

i am grateful to have had this experience and this job has taught me many things about myself.  this job offered me opportunities to speak up for myself and get clearity during conflicts.  i faced up to difficult challenges and practiced staying present even when i wanted to check out. add to that all the wonderful people i was able to serve, which my my job totally enjoyable.  i am grateful that i have supported myself there.  i am just grateful for the experience period and i am TOTALLY GRATEFUL it will be over soon.  

looking forward to moving on.  

the month of may will be one for me to focus on the last 35 days of the juice feast.  i will teach a few Live Food Classes, possibly a juice cleansing class, attend a woman's retreat and go to Lighting in a Bottle Festival for 4 days at the end of the month.  the days in between will be spent taking care of me & juicing/healing/fitness.  oh, and packing to move.  that's a big one.

i am really looking forward to all the transition happening.  in the past 53 days so much has already happened for me.

i haven't mentioned this yet.  i think it's important to document.  in the last two weeks 3 people from the past have contacted me.

one, a guy i had a short relationship with 2 and half years ago, called out of the blue and we chatted for a while, caught up with small talk.  then after we ended the conversation he called back and said he was sorry.  i said sorry for what?  he said for treating me so bad while we dated.  he was just now coming to terms with it.  that meant so much to me that he fully acknowledged the hurt he caused me and asked for forgiveness.  

another person,  an ex girlfriend of my ex husbands, found me on my space and sent me a message.  now it's been 4 years since our last contact.  she used to send me energy daggers and say really mean words to me and to my kids about me.  it hurt me so much because i just wanted to be friends and have harmony between us.  she believed everything that my ex said about me.  her email told me how she has turned it all around and sees me through different eyes and admires the path i am on.  she too asked for forgiveness.

then, there is an old friend who i consider to be a soul sister.  we had such amazing energy together one summer 3 years ago.  you could say that together we were creating magic all around us.  then all of a sudden she turned her back and shut the door and our relationship came to end without notice or explanation.  that hurt, and over time i healed & accepted it and moved on in life.  well, she found me on my space too through a mutual friend and sent me an email and it said that she was sorry for ending our friendship.  it had nothing to do with me and it was something she was going through at the time and could i forgive her?

you see, all three of these friends i forgave along time ago without there knowledge.  i have always had nothing but LOVE for them all.  i am grateful that they felt willing & open to bring it around to me years later. 

this gives me hope.  

i desire that the same energy that flows through these past connections to also flow through the connection between me and the ayers family.  i pray for our family to be reconnected and to heal.

i know it is possible and it all starts with willingness and awareness and openness.  i couldn't be more of any of those.

on day 53 of this juice feast i feel that i am processing past relationships on a deep level.  i am visualizing the clearing out of old stuff that has been covered up and stored in my cells and now there is openness for FRESH NEW ALIVE relationships & stuff to come in.

the dreams i have had recently are about letting go of past relationships.  

part of me leaving my job is clearing out old stuff that isn't serving my greatest good right now.

well, this is it for me tonight.  i hope some of this made some sense.  i know it does for me and it feels good to type it out .

much LOVE

p.s. honey, i am saying a BIG HEALING prayer for mom tonight.