The Holiday's are so Tough

why is it that i feel this sadness inside during the holiday's?  

why do i just want to be with myself and be sad?  

i have so much to be grateful for.... loving parents who care, two healthy & happy boys, an amazing beyond belief boyfriend who adores me, the greatest friends on the planet, i am in the BEST health of my life and totally taken care of and on and on.....

...yet when it comes to the pressure of this time of the year i retreat and feel sadness.

okay, yes i do know where most of it comes from and that is the piece of my life that still is left open and unfinished.  the sadness i feel comes from not being with the ones i love most in this world, the two babies i brought into this world.  without them during this time i feel so incredibly sad, mostly because this is the time of the year where families come together and mine is torn apart, even after all these years.

i will ask for what i REALLY want in my heart right now.  

i wish to replace this sadness with Love for the WHOLE Ayers family.  

i LET GO of resentment, fear and anger and embrace the HOPE and FAITH that we can all come together in LOVE for Cody & Taylor.

what i choose to imagine is a family sharing in the joys of the holiday spirit.  

right now i will do my best to focus on that and not the sadness i feel in my heart.  as i have noticed is that the more i focus on "it" the more "it" expands and i choose "it" to be positive.

well i am glad i got that all worked out for today, that was pretty heavy to wake up to on a monday morning....

i am off for a walk.

much love