do not find it, sweep it under the rug and continue to trip over it.
GET IT OUT!!!!
the bad, maddening and self defeating habit peeks up an takes over today.
on the TRUTH side of this i have to say that today i had a very rough day
with the choices i made with food.
it started early when i woke up, i took an extra long hike up the bridge street hill which in turn made me late for work and NO TIME to juice and prepare my food to take to work.
that lends itself to a set up of excuses from that point on.
fresh bread from the bakery arrives right when i get there.
it's still warm and my job is to cut it and wrap it up for sandwiches.
i start to cut and the voice inside my head speaks up and tells me to just try a bite.
without another thought i do it, then just another one, and another one......i don't stop.
then i decide to have a cup of black bean soup with that little piece of bread and it doesn't stop there, this pathetic list goes on and on and i am going to spare most of the details.
the cups of coffee (another trigger food) i hit the deep dark side of food addiction with the goat cheese on toast. i feel the food addict amirge and take this whole binge to the end.
luckily the day is over and i have to go home.
as soon as i get home i fit the bathroom and throw up!
thank goodness, because i felt a bit better than totally awful!
looking back and remembering all this crazy nonsense eating today reminded me of being addicted to drugs. it just started with one little hit, then before i knew what happened i was in far too deep.
i couldn't stop, the urge was far too much to let rest and the drugs were in my blood.
same thing for most cooked food...........once it enters my body & hits my blood, the addiction takes over. today was scary for me in that regard.
i didn't want to stop and it wasn't about nourishing myself at all, something else. the binge today was about how i am still working on myself and overcoming this addition. i will have so many great, outstanding healthiest weeks ever and think i have a handle on it then all of a sudden that gets pushed aside to feed the monster inside. i know i am still working on this path with the best intentions for myself to be the healthiest i can possibly be.
putting today aside i had a fantastic weekend sharing extra time with my Honey. we saw a wonderful movie at the palm theater called Juno. very funny indeed!
i worked a few shifts and have 2 more to go before leaving for Living Light on Thursday. yes, i am very excited. looking forward to being away, meeting new friends, having new experiences with myself and others and sharing the knowledge i learn with everyone & anyone who wants to know when i return. i feel that being away from the restaurant i work in is a great thing for me right now too. being surrounded with health food to make healthy choices is going to be such a relief.
something else i wish to give thanks for is the beautiful conversation i had last night with Cody & Taylor. our conversations lately have felt so much more meaningful. i feel like i caught them at a good time and we were able to speak without a feeling of pressure sometimes present. i expressed to them that i am hoping to see them this year on their birthdays coming up. Cody will be 15 on March 28th and Taylor will be 10 on Feb 26th. and speaking of birthdays i will be 32 this Saturday!!!
it's time to end this blog and brink some herbal tea to help settle this poor tired tummy.
there i got the TRUTH out and it sure feels scary and a relief at the same time.
much Love
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