Juice Feasting Day 58!!!

this is me and my new baby bunny named Little Miss Love or just Love for short.  She loves to hang out on my shoulder.  my honey brought her back for me from a trip he just took to visit his mom.  he knows how bad i have wanted a bunny.  our cat onyx needed a playmate too.  i can tell we are all matches made in heaven.

so interesting things have been stirring up inside me & around me.  first i have had  the past four days off from work to really focus on me and what i am putting energy towards.  i am really digging what that feels like.

i was able to spend two of the days with my new business partner Debbie doing what i LOVE and that is making RAW FOOD in the kitchen for others.  it's even more awesome  because she is on a JUICE FEAST TOO....she's past 92 days on LOVING IT SO MUCH SHE DOES NOT WANT TO STOP.  we catered a dinner for over 30 people last night.  4 course gourmet meal that EVERY ONE LOVED!!!  that felt so good doing what i love with such a positive FUN LOVING PERSON!!!  

i have had some eating issues arise for about a week now and very strong the past 2 days.  today was the worst.  i have felt attracted to cooked food and besides that i have been feeling like "sneaking" it, like when i was a little kid and i had to "sneak" food all the time.  that came up today when i was soul searching about what the hell is going on.  i forgot all about how i used to have to do that when i was little.  my mom would always give me a hard time about what i ate and when i could eat, that i got into this strange behavior of sneaking food.   little bites here and there.  not good behaviors.

i am NOT breaking this JUICE FEAST...NO WAY that's not an option i am just connecting dots and making observations of things coming up.

i have been resisting GREEN JUICE.  today i couldn't even think about one.  so today i had an orange, then i had a carrot, celery, beet and ginger and a carrot, celery, ginger later on that my sweet honey made for me.  i drank the water of 3 coconuts and that's it.

i think tomorrow things will be different.  as i type this i am feeing more towards a green tomorrow to balance out all the sweetness of today.

yesterday i felt sick all day.  a BAD HEADACHE and i felt dizzy and sick in my tummy all day.  until my honey came back from visiting his mom for a week and put his loving hands on my neck.  without knowing what he was doing the pain i had been feeling for hours and hours was GONE!  magic hands.  boy, was i grateful!!!

i am ending this for tonight.

MUCH LOVE & BLISS!!!

Juice Feasting Day 53!!!

Happy Earth Day!  

tonight i planted seeds outside the door of the house i live in. nasturtiums and borage.  it is so breezy and cold out there.

so i came in and made some herbal tea from the new blends i brought home from the secret garden.  ummmm, the favorite so far is the balancing tea...sarsaparilla root, licorice root, carob, cardamom and ginger root.

i also celebrated that today is my independance day as renee named it.  the day i gave the notice at work that i am leaving.  

i will share, that when the owner walked in today i froze and my stomach tied up in knots and i felt sick.  the feeling reminded me of when i was married and my ex husband would come home.  the anxiety i felt.  after i gave my notice the knots began to slowly ease up.  

i am grateful to have had this experience and this job has taught me many things about myself.  this job offered me opportunities to speak up for myself and get clearity during conflicts.  i faced up to difficult challenges and practiced staying present even when i wanted to check out. add to that all the wonderful people i was able to serve, which my my job totally enjoyable.  i am grateful that i have supported myself there.  i am just grateful for the experience period and i am TOTALLY GRATEFUL it will be over soon.  

looking forward to moving on.  

the month of may will be one for me to focus on the last 35 days of the juice feast.  i will teach a few Live Food Classes, possibly a juice cleansing class, attend a woman's retreat and go to Lighting in a Bottle Festival for 4 days at the end of the month.  the days in between will be spent taking care of me & juicing/healing/fitness.  oh, and packing to move.  that's a big one.

i am really looking forward to all the transition happening.  in the past 53 days so much has already happened for me.

i haven't mentioned this yet.  i think it's important to document.  in the last two weeks 3 people from the past have contacted me.

one, a guy i had a short relationship with 2 and half years ago, called out of the blue and we chatted for a while, caught up with small talk.  then after we ended the conversation he called back and said he was sorry.  i said sorry for what?  he said for treating me so bad while we dated.  he was just now coming to terms with it.  that meant so much to me that he fully acknowledged the hurt he caused me and asked for forgiveness.  

another person,  an ex girlfriend of my ex husbands, found me on my space and sent me a message.  now it's been 4 years since our last contact.  she used to send me energy daggers and say really mean words to me and to my kids about me.  it hurt me so much because i just wanted to be friends and have harmony between us.  she believed everything that my ex said about me.  her email told me how she has turned it all around and sees me through different eyes and admires the path i am on.  she too asked for forgiveness.

then, there is an old friend who i consider to be a soul sister.  we had such amazing energy together one summer 3 years ago.  you could say that together we were creating magic all around us.  then all of a sudden she turned her back and shut the door and our relationship came to end without notice or explanation.  that hurt, and over time i healed & accepted it and moved on in life.  well, she found me on my space too through a mutual friend and sent me an email and it said that she was sorry for ending our friendship.  it had nothing to do with me and it was something she was going through at the time and could i forgive her?

you see, all three of these friends i forgave along time ago without there knowledge.  i have always had nothing but LOVE for them all.  i am grateful that they felt willing & open to bring it around to me years later. 

this gives me hope.  

i desire that the same energy that flows through these past connections to also flow through the connection between me and the ayers family.  i pray for our family to be reconnected and to heal.

i know it is possible and it all starts with willingness and awareness and openness.  i couldn't be more of any of those.

on day 53 of this juice feast i feel that i am processing past relationships on a deep level.  i am visualizing the clearing out of old stuff that has been covered up and stored in my cells and now there is openness for FRESH NEW ALIVE relationships & stuff to come in.

the dreams i have had recently are about letting go of past relationships.  

part of me leaving my job is clearing out old stuff that isn't serving my greatest good right now.

well, this is it for me tonight.  i hope some of this made some sense.  i know it does for me and it feels good to type it out .

much LOVE

p.s. honey, i am saying a BIG HEALING prayer for mom tonight.

Juice Feasting Day 51!!!

it's time for me to LET GO!!!  i have known this for a while, i have held on by a tiny thread for way past the time.  fear has just gotten me to doubt the universe and my heart .

this juice feast does not let my intuition be covered up, that is for sure.  it has spoken to me loud and clear. 

IT IS TIME, I MUST LEAVE THE JOB I HAVE HAD FOR THE PAST YEAR AND MOVE ON!

it doesn't matter the situation, it is just not working with me.  it's funny because the mind wants to argue with my heart.  the heart is so quiet and patient.  the mind is so loud and relentless.  

letting go can feel either way right now depending on how i want to look at it.  i will give my notice to leave tomorrow, then pray that i will be taken care of.  i trust i am.

on the juice feasting front, i have had great GREEN JUICES the past two days.  lots of cravings for sugar and sweetness so i went for some herbal teas that need.  

one of the treats for myself on day fifty was the trip to THE SECRET GARDEN in san luis obispo, where i picked out some really great herbal tea blends.  i LOVE Kristen the store owner, she was a bright shining star that was so into herbs.  she is following her passion for life and it really shows.  that inspires me to do the same.

another treat for my body was a visit to get a colonic.  wow was that transformational.  three long rope like looking pieces that were 8-10 inches long leaving my body.  afterwards i felt so amazingly light and free.  

the cleansing is happening on a deep deep level for me right now.  i know it. i feel it.  

the thing most on my mind is this job thing and it's bringing me down at the moment.  ok, i will take responsibility, i am allowing it to pull me that way.  LET GO BRANDIE, COMPLETELY!!

so this is it for me tonight.

transformation is happening, it can be scary and exciting at the same time.

Juice Feasting Day 48!!!

this piece of really beautiful art speaks to me tonight.  Rita is the artists name and her work is a favorite of mine.

today was a VERY AMAZING day for me.  the kind of day i don't want to be over.  i have noticed that the days that i do not go to work at indigo moon are so peaceful and magical.  that says something about the job i have right now.  more on that later....

i woke up slowly with my honey bunny and we cuddled until he left for work.  then i slowly began to take on the important tasks of the day like setting up press releases for the upcoming Live Food classes i am teaching.  i made new fliers and even had them printed out.  i hopped on my bike and rode through town posting them up.  then i treated myself to the santa rosa creek ride out through the country roads, passing the cows and breathing the freshest air.  all the milk thistle on the side of the road made my mouth water.  the destination was the mini produce stand where i loaded up the bike with shhhhh (oranges, i haven't given up yet) and lots of meyer lemons and limes.  i swear the ride out there was so enlivening that i started to cry with joy.  my heart was so happy.

i came back into town and dropped the citrus off the bike and decided i wanted more exercise. wow, that's something i love to have happen.  i actually want to exercise.  so i started walking and ended up on top of lodge hill  which is about a 2 mile hike up hill.  this time the same destination was a citrus stand and i filled up my bag with more limes & lemons.   

i saw so many friendly faces today on my journey outside around town.  that's another thing about cambria - it's just a big hug for the soul and enlivens the spirit to feel so safe.

i am really grateful for having spent the past three years here.  i haven't mentioned this in my blog yet....i am moving.....to san luis obispo......my honey & i are moving in together......the beginning of july.....when we get back from the rainbow gathering!  it's a HUGE step for both of us and we are both SO EXCITED!  we have been dating for two years (this week is our anniversary, HAPPY ANNIVERSARY HONEY)!!!

cambria will always have a special place in my heart for sure.  this little town took me in when i was lost and searching for something to hold onto to.  cambria provided me a safe place to find myself and do SO MUCH recovery & healing.  i have made so many connections here that will forever nurture my heart.  this place is magical.

onto new beginnings and this move just feels natural.  a house found me and it happens to be right in front of the commercial kitchen i will be making magic in.  i have a wonderful friend and live food mentor debbie and together we are co creating a business together.  actually we are merging our two businesses into one.  

thing are good and only getting better.

my daily juices are pretty much the same every day.  i always wake up to the msm/lemon/water, take e3 live, b12 and vitalyzm, natural cellular defence.

throughout the day i drink 3 veggie juices that consist of lemon, lime, cucumber, celery, ginger, garlic and a tons of greens like spinach, kale, rainbow chard, cilantro, basil, romaine and sometimes red bell or beets & their tops.  to that i add VITA-MINERAL GREENS, SPIRULINA, KELP AND HEMP OIL.  then at night the candida screams LET ME HAVE THE ORANGES AND I WILL SHUT UP!!!  so i have the orange juice with cinnamon & coconut butter sometimes or i will go the other way and have it with spirulina - always with bee pollen. 

i always drink 3-4 quarts of water and sometimes i add herbs to that.  milk thistle is a favorite and stone breaker tea is 3 times a day.

i would really like to cut out the oranges and all fruit for at least a week.  i feel the strength to do that arising soon.  

i have another colonic on friday for the mid-way through cleaning out.  honestly, i feel pretty darn cleaned out but i know there is much garbage buried and more gets uncovered everyday.

i think i am done for tonight.

MUCH LOVE!!!!

Juice Feasting Day 45!!!

i have to be honest here.  and that's why i blog.  i have been on an emotional roller coaster of a ride.  lovin the ups and not so content with the downs.  the mind along the way has been enjoying the ride.  something to feed off of.

half way through the feast and i am still in Love with the joys of juice. there is just so much EMOTIONAL DETOX happening through out this process that it is a challenge holding on.

for instance wednesday through friday i was OFF from work and able to really pay attention to myself.  really in great spirits throughout with touches of grey clouds.  it was the anxiety & anxiousness that really threw me off into a zone i resisted.  i felt like running away a lot.  breathed & did some exercise instead and still resisted some.  (I LOVE EXERCISE)

then more waves of anxiety showed up throughout friday pretty heavy.  i passed through it with my honey by my side loving me all the way.  we went to the ocean and laid out in the sunshine, then farmers market then a nice long bike ride.  at the end of the day it was still there and very present.  i decided to to an enema...and there it went....all the anxiety i had been feeling that day left suddenly down the toilet!  what a relief!  

i decided to blog about this experience because i think someone else might be able to benefit from knowing some things about taking care of our own health and well-being.  WE CAN BE IN CHARGE OF OUR OWN BODIES.....THERE IS ANOTHER WAY THAT THE DOCTORS DON"T TELL US ABOUT!  as soon as the enema was over i felt inside that i just let go of all the anxiety i had been suppressing for years with zanax & valium & food & other drugs.

so anyway, that's the big detox story for this week.  

physical detox -  i have had a rash on my elbows and select other parts of my body.  that i believe is coming from candida.  something i know i need to work with.  same rash i had at Living Light!

the picture above is me SO HAPPY to be drinking the orange spirulina bee pollen juice i have once a day.  that is the juice that i have the mixed feelings about.  that's the juice that might be pulling me back to candida-land.  

having all green juices for a while would be a dream come true and that is really what i desire.  at the same time the candida screams SO LOUDLY THAT IT WANTS THE SUGAR JUICE & I HAD BETTER FEED IT NOW!!!  i feel stuck in the middle.

the back pain & toe pain has gone away.

the past week i have pretty much juiced ALL LOCAL PRODUCE!  that feels great!

i am SO GRATEFUL for all of the AMAZING FRIENDS & FAMILY in my life that have supported me through this juicy journey.   making my juice with me when i am in a hurry, listening to me getting all the garbage out, just being there when i need support the most is the greatest gift.  thank you so much & i LOVE YOU!  

time to end this!

thanks for reading!

Juice Feasting Day 38!!!

just cruzing right along in juice feasting land.  loving every minute of this journey.

to tell the truth i have had the experiences of cravings come and go, energy levels go up & down and for the most part things feel amazingly balanced.  does that make sense?

the past two weeks produce has been coming to me from LOCAL ORGANIC GROWERS. meyer lemon season is coming to a close, along with the oranges i have been getting up the hill.  it's okay because all the beautiful berries are on their way!!!

the dehydrator here has been getting a workout!  making food for others while juice feasting is such a joy!  i made savory flax crackers, sweet bread and live fudge.  yummy...so they tell me anyway.

well, this is pretty much it for me checking in to blog land tonight.  i am ready for b-e-d!

much LOVE