happy sunday

hmmmm, sometimes i really get stuck on what to title a blog that i just sit here and ponder for way too long and get unmotivated to blog just because i can not find a title in my head.  how silly is that?  then i write about that.

anyway, on with the days blog....

the picture i used was taken in my room here at living light inn.  i love it, reminds me of me at my house in los osos, when i had 14 bunnies in the back yard at one time.

today we graduated from our FUNdamentals class.  about a third of the students left today.  the session began with nearly 40 of us and by the end of the whole chef's training (21 days) there will be around 20.  it's amazing how close we are all getting with each other.  it was sad to see a few of them leave today.  they will be back to finish their training another time.

tomorrow the 5 day Essentials class begins at 8am and it is all week long from 8am to nearly 6pm.  we will get to put on our chef's coat and use the knife's ourselves.  i am really looking forward to learning more hands on this week for sure.  the last two days were basically...the basics i pretty much already knew in live demo form. pretty much like watching the food network but so much better...all raw!!!

today they continued to feed us THE BEST FOOD EVER....when we arrived we get super green smoothies & E3 Live shots, for snack this morning they served us cinnamon oatmeal that was made from soaked and sprouted oat grouts and almond milk.  for lunch we had a big amazing salad bar, spring mix with flowers, so many different kinds of sprouts, fantastic tomato basil dressing and an angel hair pasta (zucchini) dish and i love that i can get sauerkraut at this salad bar.  then the pm snack was a delicious super easy to make carrot and pineapple cake.  we do not have a moment to be hungry at school.

as far as exercise, well i get up early and walk for an hour before school, i walk to school and walk during lunch break and after school i walk back to the inn.  i am missing Nia and pilates for sure!!!  i checked out the gym in this town today and it is a really sad one compared to the one in Cambria.  i don't see myself working out there.  i will have to hold back on the weights and hard cardio for when i return back home.

the more i am away from cambria the more i miss it....i realize,  i have a pretty great life there that i take for granted at times.

well this is it for tonight.

much love & gratitude

Hippy Birthday to Me!!!

i am so grateful for today.  i woke up early just like i planned.  i went for a nice walk/jog around fort bragg this morning before the first day of school began.  after the hour of exercise i juiced some of my favorite greens in the kitchen at the inn using the GREEN STAR JUICER  (i am in LOVE)  dandelion, kale, apple and celery and cucumber too.  

i got to school at 8am, where they had green juice smoothies and e3 live waiting for us as we came into class.  YUMMY!!!

FUNdamentals began with an orientation then we watched live demos.  my favorite had to be the sprouting and wheat grass demos.  i can't wait to get my own kitchen garden going now.  i didn't realize how easy it really is to make super foods for pennies.

the teachers here at Living Light are so fantastic!  

the students are all amazing as well.  i LOVE the Eco friendly environment.  

the directors (Sheri & Dan) believe that we all should do our part to leave a very light footprint on the earth and show respect along the way as well, and they have woven that throughout the program.  

at lunch we all held hands around the amazing salad bar and blessed the food and the farmers who grew it.  ALL the food served here is 100% ORGANIC - can it get any better than that?

this afternoons demos were great too....juicing is my new favorite thing and i swear i am hooked on getting a GREEN STAR JUICER.  other demos this afternoon were making pates, smoothies, soups, brownies and wraps.  

ahh, so much amazing raw knowledge.

anyway, today was a great day.  nice to spend my 32nd birthday here in an enviroment that i love, doing what i love, learning more about what i love.

the only thing is i miss the ones i love, so much.  space and time away is a growing time though.  with that i am saying good night and i love you!!!

i am grateful

to be here on the mendocino coast again.  

what a day.....

 i arrived in fort bragg yesterday 

 i will be here for the whole chef's training for 21 days!!!

21 full days of being completely saturated with raw knowledge.

today i met some of the students that will be taking the training with me.  they have come from all over....singapore, japan, spain, london, chicago, new york, germany, michigan, canada.  

only a couple of us are from california.  i feel so fortunate that i didn't have to travel too far from home to have this experience.  this place feels so special with all of us here for our different journeys.

class begins tomorrow at 8am...my 32nd birthday.  i am looking forward to spending my birthday doing what i love.  i have the alarm set for 530am.  my intention is to wake up early and go for a nice long walk bright and early.

with that i am going to get to sleep early.  i already had a long couple of days.

honey, i can't figure out how to get the pictures from my camera to the computer, even the manual hides the information.  anyway, i can't post pictures until i figure that part out.  coming soon

love love love

almost too afraid to say this

and that will not stop me because i am feeling a NEED to get it out.

do not find it, sweep it under the rug and continue to trip over it.

GET IT OUT!!!!

the bad, maddening and self defeating habit peeks up an takes over today.

on the TRUTH side of this i have to say that today i had a very rough day 

with the choices i made with food.

it started early when i woke up, i took an extra long hike up the bridge street hill which in turn made me late for work and NO TIME to juice and prepare my food to take to work.

that lends itself to a set up of excuses from that point on.

fresh bread from the bakery arrives right when i get there.  

it's still warm and my job is to cut it and wrap it up for sandwiches.  

i start to cut and the voice inside my head speaks up and tells me to just try a bite.  

without another thought i do it, then just another one, and another one......i don't stop.  

then i decide to have a cup of black bean soup with that little piece of bread and it doesn't stop there, this pathetic list goes on and on and i am going to spare most of the details.  

the cups of coffee (another trigger food)  i hit the deep dark side of food addiction with the goat cheese on toast.  i feel the food addict amirge and take this whole binge to the end.  

luckily the day is over and i have to go home.  

as soon as i get home i fit the bathroom and throw up! 

thank goodness, because i felt a bit better than totally awful!

looking back and remembering all this crazy nonsense eating today reminded me of being addicted to drugs.  it just started with one little hit, then before i knew what happened i was in far too deep.  

i couldn't stop, the urge was far too much to let rest and the drugs were in my blood.  

same thing for most cooked food...........once it enters my body & hits my blood, the addiction takes over.  today was scary for me in that regard.  

i didn't want to stop and it wasn't about nourishing myself at all, something else.  the binge today was about how i am still working on myself and overcoming this addition.  i will have so many great, outstanding healthiest weeks ever and think i have a handle on it then all of a sudden that gets pushed aside to feed the monster inside.  i know i am still working on this path with the best intentions for myself to be the healthiest i can possibly be.

putting today aside i had a fantastic weekend sharing extra time with my Honey.  we saw a wonderful movie at the palm theater called Juno.  very funny indeed!

i worked a few shifts and have 2 more to go before leaving for Living Light on Thursday.  yes, i am very excited.  looking forward to being away, meeting new friends, having new experiences with myself  and others and sharing the knowledge i learn with everyone & anyone who wants to know when i return.  i feel that being away from the restaurant i work in is a great thing for me right now too.  being surrounded with health food to make healthy choices is going to be such a relief.

something else i wish to give thanks for is the beautiful conversation i had last night with Cody & Taylor.  our conversations lately have felt so much more meaningful.  i feel like i caught them at a good time and we were able to speak without a feeling of pressure sometimes present.  i expressed to them that i am hoping to see them this year on their birthdays coming up.  Cody will be 15 on March 28th and Taylor will be 10 on Feb 26th.  and speaking of birthdays i will be 32 this Saturday!!!

it's time to end this blog and brink some herbal tea to help settle this poor tired tummy.

there i got the TRUTH out and it sure feels scary and  a relief at the same time.

much Love

..........

i Love raw potlucks, the community getting together, sharing healthy life-giving food and positive vibes.  i enjoy seeing how excited we get over how amazing everything tastes.  it's fun to watch the energy level go up in our bodies.  

i came home tonight so jazzed up that i organized all the fresh local produce i purchased today at the farmers market and did all the dishes!  oh how great that feels right now.... and i will thanking myself in the early morning when i wake up for the walk down santa rosa creek.

today i woke up happy.  

that, is a relief, since yesterday i made up so many ridiculous  stories about the past and future and while doing it noticing how much of the present moment i was wasting.  the only peace of mind i got was when i went out for a beautiful afternoon walk up bridge street hill with Renee,  even a few times then i observed the mind wanting to interrupt the listening.  i am thankful that today was not a repeat of yesterday.  i even asked mind at one point...um...what's going on, why are you going off on lies and nonsense?  what came back is detoxing and i left it at that.

today is day 5 of getting back into 100% raw organic and at least 95% local fresh produce.  over the holidays (big time stresses going on with the car accident and missing my boys)  i turned to some food that wasn't the best.  i think on christmas day i went way overboard, i don't think i ate anything raw and i drank coffee all day.  that was a tough one.  

and that's me using food, like a drug addict it feels. 

i know what the difference is.  i know how i wish to feel and i feel my best eating raw and juicing every morning and drinking herbal teas.  i feel like running and spending time in nature and loving myself and others and being compassionate and wanting to do my part to be as eco as possible.  that is how i wish to feel everyday.  i wish for myself to be genuinely happy and feeling blessed all of the time, constantly, forever!  do what i love and love what i do, always!

today, in the feeling of happiness i am aware that it feels amazing and that's what i am to be experiencing all the time, no matter what.  i remember a time in my life that i was always happy.  friends told me that they liked being around me because i was always smiling and happy and have a positive attitude and i remember that feeling authentic and real and i know i can feel that way again.  real soon, ok, start now.  i do my best.

on another subject, i registered to vote today.  hurray for the lady at farmers market with the table to do just that.  now i have to research how i will vote for.  or i could just ask the friends i know that share the same ideas for some thoughts on this election.

this is all i have for the blog tonight, i am feeling like i need to cozy up for sleeping with onyx the cat.  i love her.

Goodnight!

happy sunday

it's been a very mellow sunday in the cambria rain.  i have enjoyed all the wetness falling from the sky.  i love how town slows down in the winter.  we were without power all of friday and got to really experience what it is like to slow down.  lighting the candles and turning on the battery powered radio.  

on other note, i was just rudely interrupted by the itching on my arms and legs.  i have poison oak AGIAN for the forth time in 12 months.  what a bummer.  how do i rid this karma i have with the oak?  anyone know?

tomorrow i am off to the doctor to get the shot in the butt or the dose of pills, i have let this case go on too long.

besides that, health wise, i am back on track with the greens.  it was frightening, for a few days last week i was completely out of fresh produce. i missed the farmers market on thursday, friday, farmers market was canceled because of the rain and i was without the fresh juice and GREENS and i started to fall back into food addiction issues in my head.  those all went away as soon as i got the juice....balanced right away!  craziness!

anyway, today i had some amazing raw wraps that i made.  they were so easy and i will share.  large spinach leaf with avocado, apple and i put some sea salted cabbage on top.  today i started a huge batch of sauerkraut - used the sea salted cabbage that i couldn't fit in the jar to top the little wrap.  an unexpected amazing burst of flavor!  

12 days left until i leave for Living Light!

i have to end this blog i am getting very tired!

much Love

Past Present Future

i am grateful for the day spent with the man i love.  sleeping in, cuddling up, drinking yerbematte in bed while watching planet earth with the blanket over the window....ahhh i love that, no where we have to be routine, we can do whatever we want to.

today has been interesting for sure.  i recognize that one can look at the past without getting stuck, hopefully lessons get learned, its best to be present,  that is where the magic is and by what i think about i create.

so the intention for this blog is to help guide what i create for myself in 2008 and review 2007

i set a list of things i wish to create for my life in 2008, here are a few i will share.

Number one and most important to me is a promise to DO MY BEST to heal the relationship between my sons Cody and Taylor and I.  This year is the year for that magic to happen and it is already working on a deep level i feel it and i plan to nourish our relationship in every way and make it a priority.  i do that by calling them every week and whenever i feel i will, by being available, sending them cards and notes in the mail and pray every night for a quality visit.  if i have to go to court to make that happen then i will.

Number two is my physical, emotional and spiritual health.  i promise to create the perfect environment that supports all of the aspects of my life.  i promise to stay physically active, and surround myself with the people who support a positive emotional and spiritual life.

Number three is to create prosperity in doing what i love.  i promise to stay true to myself.

Some other things i have down are  

to complete a 90 day global juice feast

to drive the best eco friendly car ever

to smile more often 

to grow the most abundant garden ever

travel to amazing exotic places i have never been before

to take new friends to the rainbow gathering

to see brett dennen and michael franti in concert

to go to live oak festival with cody and taylor

2007 was a year of GROWTH and HEALING myself....

early on in the year i switched jobs to make more money, which turned out to support me better and i was able to pay off old debt that had been lingering for a couple of years.  i saved up money to travel to the places i went like rainbow in arkansas and to see my mom in denver and catch a fantastic show at red rocks, i went to the raw spirit festival in sedona arizona, power to the peaceful in san fransisco and solutions for dreamers in santa barbara and saw jack johnson, spearhead & animal liberation orchastra. Camping in Three rivers and big sur for a weekend.... went to see ziggy marley in avila and i got to go to sisters of the dance.  2007 was eventful.  i didn't even mention all the dance parties, raw food potlucks and local live music shows.  i am grateful for those fantastic memories,  all the friendships along the way.

2007 showed up to be a VERY healthFUL year for me.  i spent all year studying raw food.  i didn't eat meat of any kind, stayed 100% commited to a raw vegan diet for over 100 days, and i ate the least amount of dairy i ever have in my life.  i went to the gym several times a week for most of the year.  i took over 100 fitness classes, worked out on the weights often and i started to jog for the first time in my life in 2007.  i took long hikes in the forest more than i ever have in my life.  i even relearned how to hoola hoop.  

ended an old idea and began a new one....

onyx found me

stopped smoking period.  no more smoking of any kind.  

2007 was the year to give back to my body that has been supporting me my whole life.  

much healing took place around me and inside of me in 2007.  

i am very blessed in 2007.

i look forward to 2008!